Tag Archive | family

Mother’s Day 2018

We had our Mother’s Day brunch last Sunday, which was also an early birthday celebration for Mom AND a celebration of my niece Sarah’s college graduation, which had happened the evening before. My sister and younger niece (Sarah’s mom and sister) were here for the graduation, and of course they wanted to see Mom while they were in town. So we had a lovely girl’s brunch at a favorite restaurant, and it was really special. An added bonus of not doing it on an actual holiday was that the restaurant wasn’t crowded and we were able to linger over our French toast and conversation.

Family Brunch 05.08.2018

Three generations of strong women

I shared a nice, low-key Mother’s Day with Mom today. I took her to church as usual, bringing her back to the care home for lunch, and then I came back IMG_1270a couple of hours later with a bouquet of roses and a card. The owner of the care home always makes a fuss over holidays, and the dining room was festooned with “Happy Mother’s Day!” balloons. Mom’s roses joined two bouquets already in the center of the table.

Once she’d opened her card, I suggested we play Scrabble, which is always a fun way to pass an hour or two together — and it makes conversation easier. The staff helped us get set up at one end of the dining table, and we were almost finished with our first game when the owner came in, bearing an elaborately decorated chocolate cake from Porto’s bakery. Since I was there, she insisted on cutting me a generous slice, despite my protestations that I’m avoiding gluten. (Mom got most of my cake as well as her own, but she can use the extra calories these days.) We played two games; I won the first and she won the second, both with very close scores. It was a nice afternoon.

As I was leaving, I hugged Mom and told her I was glad we could spend Mother’s Day together. She replied, “Spending it with you is the whole point. You’re the one who made me a mother.” Every year when this day rolls around, I wonder if this is the last one I’ll get to spend with Mom. I’m grateful for another Mother’s Day together.

Mother's Day 2018 Selfie

Obligatory Mom’s Day selfie

 

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Field trip!

Happy to report that Mom was feeling quite chipper when I visited yesterday morning. We took a “field trip” to a local park with a large man-made lake, where she enjoyed the fresh air, the relaxing scenery, and the many varieties of birds. I pushed her wheelchair on the paved path all the way around the lake, which was good exercise for me. lol And a little challenging when we came to this rustic wooden bridge…

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… but we bumped our way across without incident, though I was grateful that her chair comes equipped with a seatbelt.

I had wanted to get a photo of Mom feeding the ducks, but she wasn’t keen on the idea… and then it turned out that the ducks weren’t keen on the grapes I’d brought to feed them either.

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Except for the mallard in the center, these are actually coots, which aren’t ducks at all.

 

There are SO many birds living around this lake! We saw two kinds of herons, a red-tailed hawk, swans, several breeds of geese and ducks, seagulls, and dozens of the coots.

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The swans were Mom’s favorites

 

Halfway around the lake, we stopped (for me) to rest and sat for a while enjoying the sunshine. The air was full of birdsong, and I counted at least seven different songs in addition to the ever present quacking and honking of the water fowl.
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Though she was ready for a nap by the time I got her home, Mom enjoyed our field trip a lot. As we move into a season of warmer (but not yet hot) weather, I’m hoping I’ll have more opportunities to take her on outings like this. It was good for us both.

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Easter Monday Update

We made it to church for the Easter Sunday service, though Mom complained in the car that she “hurt all over” and was still so weak that I had difficulty getting her out of the car on my own. This was our first service back in the newly remodeled church sanctuary, and I was so grateful to see that they shortened one of the pews near the access ramp to make space for wheelchairs. I don’t think she could have managed transferring into a pew and back out to her chair.

It was good to be back in the church with everyone, and Mom especially enjoyed the choir… and all the people who stopped by her chair to shake her hand or give her a hug around the shoulders and wish her Happy Easter.

On Friday I picked up some urinary tract infection test strips at the drugstore and gave them to her caregivers. This morning they were finally able to get a good urine sample to test (it’s tricky with full incontinence), and the test confirmed what I’d suspected, She has a UTI. I called her primary care doctor, who called in a prescription for antibiotics, which she is starting this evening. I’m hopeful that she’ll be back to her old self again in a few days.

 

Easter 2018

Happy Easter from three generations of strong women!

 

A different kind of Christmas

Christmas Eve was a bit of a letdown this year. Mom’s church began renovations on their sanctuary at the beginning of December, so all the services are being held in the Fellowship Hall, which is in the basement. There’s a live feed to a screen in a room on the ground floor for those who can’t manage the stairs, but it’s not the same.  On a regular Sunday, there might be a dozen people in the ground floor room. For the early Christmas Eve service last night, there were six of us, including the two ushers who handed out the battery-powered candles. Mom and I were alone in our row, and she must have asked me six times why we had to sit in the “overflow room” instead of with the rest of the congregation.  Each time I explained about the renovations and the steep flight of stairs to the basement, I felt more frustrated with the church for beginning this renovation project right before Christmas; and I prayed this subpar experience doesn’t end up being her last Christmas Eve service.

The candlelight piece felt particularly lacking. The passing of light from one candle to another until the whole church is aglow has been my favorite part of Christmas Eve services since childhood. It lacks something when everyone turns on their “candles” at the start of Silent Night, instead of passing the light, but it still works in a big sanctuary full of celebrants. Holding our two lights as we sang, unable to see any of the other lights because everyone was sitting behind us, struck me as rather apt for this particular year — and perhaps that was the lesson for me. Sometimes you have to make your own light in the darkness.

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Christmas Eve Selfie

Since Mom can no longer manage the steps into my apartment building, we headed to a local restaurant for our turkey dinner after the service.  The restuarant was festively decorated and busier than I had anticipated; and to their credit, the staff provided excellent and very cheerful service. Mom complained about her soup, but she enjoyed the turkey and mashed potatoes… and she ordered a second mug of hot chocolate for dessert. On the drive home, I took a detour to look at Christmas lights, which she always enjoys.

As we pulled onto the freeway, she asked me “Am I staying at your place tonight?” I felt a pang of regret as I explained that I was taking her home (“so you don’t have to struggle with the stairs at my building”) but would come back the next day to open presents — but she didn’t seem unhappy about it.

Our Christmas afternoon was really quite pleasant. I arrived shortly after lunch, bearing Starbucks holiday beverages and a store bought pumpkin pie. The staff set us up right next to the tree to open our presents, and we had the room to ourselves since the other residents were either napping or away with family for the holiday.  We opened our presents one at a time, read the cards aloud to each other, and Mom tried on the festive outfit from my sister. Then we sat at the dining room table to eat our pie and play a couple games of Scrabble.

When the staff started getting ready for dinner, I helped Mom back into her recliner and kissed her goodbye. Merry Christmas, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.

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Celebrating her 90th Christmas, and she still enjoys her books!

Another year, another holiday party

Today was the annual holiday luncheon at Mom’s care home. Yesterday I took her to get a haircut and roller set, Mom Headshot 12-9-17and the stylist did a really nice job. Mom looked lovely in her new sparkly green Christmas top, and she seemed to be feeling pretty good. She enjoyed the Honeybaked ham and, especially, the assortment of fancy deserts like macarons, ladyfingers and bon bons. And because it was a special occasion, they let her have 2 1/2 cups of coffee with her meal. (We just won’t tell the nephrologist about that.) My niece was late arriving, and it gets hard to make small talk with Mom these days, so I broke out the Scrabble game to keep us entertained.

Again, it was one of those parties where the guests only talk to the residents they came to visit and to the staff. But Jenny did make a point of introducing us to her brother (at least, I think that’s who he was) as he was seeing her to her room before departing. I also overheard another resident’s daughter talking about her 90th birthday next Thursday, the 14th. My dad’s birthday was December 14th. He would have been 92 this year. As I was sharing that with them, I realized that it was 10 years ago this month that he died. It feels like another lifetime. I was a different person back then, and so was Mom.

We both enjoyed catching up with Sarah, who took a break from finals week to come celebrate with her grandma.

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I’ve been a little short on holiday spirit this year, but it sure was nice to see Mom feeling festive and enjoying the celebrations. Mostly I’m just thankful that we made it through another year and she’s still kicking… or, as she always used to say, “perking right along!”

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Thankful

Thanksgiving was a little different this year. I’ve had to accept the fact that the days when I could have Mom come and stay with me for an entire holiday weekend are over. The seven steps into my building are impossible for her to manage now. My best friend graciously offered her ground floor apartment for our co-hosted Thanksgiving dinner this year, and I was thankful that Mom was able to join us for the meal. Mom usually enjoys our lively gatherings, but wasn’t feeling very sociable this time. She was too tired to even concentrate on working a crossword puzzle and barely stayed awake long enough to eat. I took her back to her care home before dessert had even been served, but I saved her some pumpkin pie.

I brought the pie over today, right after lunch. Mom was, again, almost too tired to eat, which worries me. As I said to her, “It’s not like you to be uninterested in PIE!” She did finally finish her small slice, then almost immediately started dozing in her recliner. I sat with her for about an hour, watching figure skating on TV and chatting a bit when she woke up long enough to remember that I was there.

They’re tapering her off the supplemental oxygen during the day, per doctor’s orders, and her saturation has been staying around 94-95. But when I checked it today, she was only at 91. I sure hope this isn’t an indicator of fluid building up in her lungs again. Thankfully, we see the pulmonologist for a follow-up chest x-ray this coming Wednesday.

Despite the changes, I am deeply thankful that Mom is still here with me and that we were able to share Thanksgiving dinner.  I don’t know what Christmas will look like yet, but the only gift I need is to be able to share it with her.

Thanksgiving 2017

 

Stalled

Mom’s recovery progress seems to have stalled. Friday when the physical therapist was working with her, in the half hour or so he had her off oxygen, her sats dropped from 93 to 83. I called Dr. G’s office about that and he ordered a chest x-ray. Until we get the results we’re to keep her on oxygen 24/7.

Yesterday I was able to take her to church for the first time in 6 weeks. She was happy to be there and particularly enjoyed the attention from her friends in the seniors Sunday school class, but she had some trouble transferring from the wheelchair to the pew and (especially) back again. When I got her home after the service, she was ready for a nap!  I noticed when I picked her up for church that her left hand  and wrist were very swollen and puffy. It had improved a little by the time we were driving home, so I decided it wasn’t worth spending our Sunday afternoon at Urgent Care when I’d be seeing her again today.

She seemed tired today, much less perky than she was for church yesterday. When we pulled in to the parking lot for the Imaging Center, I checked her O2 level and it was only 89 — even though she’d been continually on oxygen. Feeling thankful that we were getting the x-ray done, I finagled the wheelchair and the portable oxygen tank inside and even managed to fit both of us and the equipment in the small dressing room, so I could help her get undressed and into a gown. When the x-ray techs told me she was going to have to stand while they took the images, I explained that her legs are weak and her balance is very poor — so they gave me a heavy lead smock and let me stand beside her, my hand on the small of her back to keep her steady. Mom clung to the sides of the board as if to a life raft in deep water, but she managed to stay standing with her back straight and followed their breathing instructions while they took the images. Her PT would have been proud.

The swelling in her left hand and forearm was about the same as when I left her yesterday, and I noticed her feet are now swollen also. While we were waiting our turn, I called the cardiologist’s office about that. Her doctor is off today, so the receptionist gave the message to a nurse who consulted with one of the other cardiologists and called me back. They said it “doesn’t sound like a heart issue” and recommended she increase her Lasix dosage for the next 48 hours and call back if the situation hasn’t improved by then.

While I’m relieved they don’t seem concerned about it, I’d sure like to know what’s going on. Between this and the difficulty keeping her satured with oxygen, it’s obvious that something isn’t right. For now, we wait.