The nurses all agree that Mom needs to spend more time out of bed. Sometimes she’s amenable to this and other times she just wants to rest and gets annoyed when the CNAs try to get her up. Yesterday I spent a couple hours with her in the morning and then went back around 2:00 pm. She had insisted on going back to bed after lunch, the CNA said, but we got her up again by tempting her with the root beer floats they were serving in the dining room.
She enjoyed the float, and I sat with her for a while, playing Words With Friends on my phone while she did her word search puzzles. Half a dozen other residents in wheelchairs were watching the movie on TV. When I needed to leave (around 3:30) to get ready for a friend’s 40th birthday party, I felt a little uneasy about leaving her there… but I knew if I took her back to her room she’d just lie down again, so I told myself she’d be fine for the hour or so before they would have brought her in there for dinner anyway.
This morning I got to the nursing center around 11:00 and she’d already been taken to the dining room for lunch. She was flipping through an old issue of People magazine when I pulled up a chair and sat next to her. She told me she “must have had a dream”: “You and I were eating in here together and then you had to leave to go somewhere, and suddenly it seemed like I was in the middle of something, that I wasn’t ME at all…” She floundered a bit to explain, concluding that it felt like she was a character in a story, and like she was watching the story unfold. I told her I often have dreams like that, and we moved on to other topics. But then she brought it up again, asking me to please make sure to take her back to her room before I leave because “I get sleepy and sometimes there’s no one around to take me back.” A little later, when I started to get up to do something, she grabbed my arm and said “Don’t leave me!”
I don’t know if she dozed off in her wheelchair after I left her yesterday or what, but from now on I’m listening to that gut instinct that tells me something is not OK. This evening, for example. I’d spent almost 3 hours with her earlier in the day and my niece Sarah was going to visit her after she got off work, so that I could go to a planning meeting for an event I’m helping to organize. When the meeting got postponed, I thought about taking the evening off. After all, Sarah was going to be there by 7:00. But something told me I needed to at least drop by quickly to check on her.
I arrived at 6:15 pm and found her in a nearly empty dining room, working her puzzles. When I asked how she was feeling, she replied “Not good. I ate a bowl of soup and threw it right back up.” She hadn’t been able to eat anything else after that, and she said her stomach still felt queasy. I took her back to her room, stopping on the way to ask at the nurse’s station if we could get her something for nausea. “I’m so glad you came back!” Mom kept saying. Of course I came back, I said, kissing her forehead. “Well, sometimes you have meetings,” she said querulously.
Oh, and then there was the 90-minute wait for a CNA to come and change her wet diaper. I could rant about that, but I’m just tired. I feel like I have to be there almost all day every day to ensure she gets adequate care. It seems like a new problem occurs every time I go away.