Archive | June 2015

It’s enough just being in the same space

Tomorrow I leave for my 9-day camping retreat. I wanted to spend some time with Mom before I left, but I’ve had so much to do to get ready for this trip that I haven’t had a spare minute. My compromise was to pick her up after work yesterday and bring her to my apartment to keep me company while I worked.

When I arrived to pick her up, she was reading the new Jan Karon novel that I bought her for her birthday and I suggested she bring it along. On the way over I bought her a chocolate milkshake, since I knew she’d ask for coffee or something sweet and I didn’t have either on hand. She was quite happy sitting and reading on my couch while I cleaned the kitchen. As she put it, “We don’t always have to be talking to enjoy each other’s company. It’s enough just being in the same space.”

After my husband died in 2010, I went to stay with my mom for a few months. I remember what a comfort it was just having another person around, even if we were at opposite ends of the apartment and didn’t talk for hours at a time. I’ve grown to love living alone (with my cat), but Mom never did get used to it after Dad died. I think that’s one of the reason she’s so happy at the board and care, because she is literally never alone there.

We sat on the couch and talked for a little while. Mom reached over to my end table and picked up a framed photo taken on her 79th birthday – the very last picture of me with both of my parents, on my last visit to Arizona before my dad died. “I don’t remember him looking this old,” she said, “with all that gray in his hair. I know he was older when he died, but in my memories he’s young.” We talked about Dad and shared some memories. It felt good to make that connection.

Three of Us 2007

We also talked about my upcoming trip – several times. And every time I mentioned something about it, she would ask me “Where are you going again?” I lost count at the seventh time in less than two hours. She’s been doing better with her memory lately, so that was just a little bit disconcerting.

When I dropped her off back at the board and care, I picked up the notepad she keeps beside her chair and wrote her a note explaining when I was leaving, where I was going and when I would be back. I signed it “I love you, Mom!” I hope that if she starts to wonder why she hasn’t heard from me, she’ll think to look at it. And I hope the next 9 days go by quickly for her…

… though not TOO quickly for me. I want to relish every unplugged minute of freedom to just take care of myself.

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What a difference a year makes

One year ago my mom was diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephalus (NPH) as the cause of her dementia and balance/mobility issues. She was perpetually confused, couldn’t remember basic things like where she lived or what season of the year it was. At the time she was also recovering from a serious infection and had such severe edema that she couldn’t fit shoes on her swollen feet. She was not sleeping well at night and wanted to stay in bed all day. Walking farther than across the room tired her out. She had lost twenty pounds in three months, and I felt like she was wasting away in front of my eyes.

Yesterday Mom had her annual check-up with her primary care physician and the news was all good. Her weight has been stable (at about 134) for six months. Her heart function is good and the edema is long gone. In the mini mental exam, she correctly answered the year, the season and the day of the week. When asked what state she lives in, she automatically said “Arizona” (where she lived for 20+ years) but instantly caught herself and added “No, I live in California now.”

When the doctor asked her how she’s been feeling, she answered with a smile, “I feel great! For my age, I think I’m in remarkably good health.” Compared to this time last year, it really IS remarkable. You can see it here, comparing her birthday photo this year with the one we took last year.

Mom Then and Now

A year ago I was anxious about leaving her for a weekend to attend my niece’s graduation. At the end of this month, I’m taking a real vacation – nine days at a campground without internet connection or cell reception, truly unplugging from my job as caregiver for the first time in three years. I’ve made arrangements for someone to take her to church, for a friend to check on her mid-week and for another friend to be on call in case of any medical emergencies. But I’m not worried. She’s healthy and happy, and I know she’ll be just fine while I’m gone.

What a difference a year makes!

New blouse