New Years

I’m superstitious about New Year’s Eve. You know, that old tradition that what we’re doing at the stroke of midnight will set the tone for the rest of the year.

This is my third New Year since my husband died. The first one was pretty miserable. I spent that New Year’s Eve sick on the couch in a friend’s apartment, crying because I didn’t want “sick and alone” to be the theme for the coming year. Looking back on it, I’d say the theme for 2011 ended up being Healing – both physical and emotional.

Determined to start 2012 on a different note, I splurged on a trip to Las Vegas with one of my best girlfriends. At midnight we were dancing to a live band, drinking, laughing… It was a great night. And 2012 was a better year. I started dating again, spent a lot of time with good friends and discovered that I can still feel joy.

I spent the last night of 2012 watching old black and white movies with my mom. We watched a rerun of the ball dropping in Times Square, and at the stroke of midnight I was still trying to pop the cork on my cheap bottle of sparkling wine. I don’t even want to know what that portends for the coming year. Instead I’m focusing on the theme of Togetherness and on appreciating every minute I get to spend this year with people I love.

I still wish I’d had someone special to kiss at midnight. Maybe next year.

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